The Thinkulum

Health

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I got sick for the second time in a month. It started out as a cough on Tuesday and then by noon Wednesday had turned into a 102.6 fever. I’d slept all that morning and could barely move. Eventually I forced myself out of bed, groggily choked down a little lunch, and went back to bed. In the evening my temperature was down to 99.4 but then hit 102.7 in the middle of Wednesday night. After that it dropped a degree each day, and my energy gradually improved, but this fever lasted a disturbingly long time when I was used to a day or two at most. The whole time my sleep felt chaotic—swinging between hot and sweaty and cold and clammy, with a constant flicker of confusing fever dreams. And my congested cough stubbornly remained. My COVID tests were negative, so it was probably something normal like the flu, even though I had my flu shot. But this American Medical Association video told me unusual infections have been going around, so who knows?

People

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I learned that my old college roommate Jason had died in a car accident. It happened Tuesday night on his way home from work. I learned about it the next night when I was contacted by his wife. I’d met her at their wedding only last Thanksgiving. I couldn’t really take in the accident at the time, but over the next day the reality did sink in. And with that and my illness, plus whatever work I could get through, I decided not to push myself that week, and I focused on doing my part in sharing the news.

Jason was his own animal—fun loving and relational, always a hat’s drop away from a deep connection. He was always ready to impart his unique perspective on life, born out of his own struggles, a message of grace, trust, and a dose of contrarian thought. One of his friends pointed out this short video as a good example of Jason’s spirit. It was part of his digital marketing phase, one of several attempts to find his place in the world of work. For a few years after college he made his home in the missions organization YWAM, primarily at their base in Hawaii, and from my outside perspective YWAM felt like a defining feature of his life, a very natural fit for Jason’s style. But for reasons I forget, he later made his exit and began his quest for a career he could settle into. Nothing in life ever set quite right with Jason, and I was privy to many interesting critiques of whatever circumstances he found himself in. But eventually I gained the sense he felt most at home when he was taking care of people, and home health care is what he came back to in the end.

The memory of Jason that stands out most is the last time I drove out to visit him over Christmas, back in 2022. It was a welcome change of scenery during a difficult week—a vacation within a vacation, you could say. I toured his section of his brother’s house and met his beautiful little dog and caught up on life over a walk through the woods, and I felt the life-giving effects of being heard on the real parts of my life and trusted with the real parts of his, a regular occurrence with Jason. He had a gift for cutting to the emotional heart of things, simultaneously calming and energizing the conversation. In the words of our friend Mark, ”He really was a remarkable person.”

 

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Spirituality

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My daily devotional time and some Immanuel prayer gave me space to work through the week’s events. I felt oppressed by my fever, my fatigue, my sore throat and cough, the unexpected and violent end to my friend’s life, my concern for his family, my anxiety over sharing the news, and my judgment of my own emotions. The political news didn’t help either. But each morning I had at least half an hour carved out to interact with God over the day’s burdens as I journaled. It reminded me to put things in broader perspective, and it clarified what was important to me and what I could do about it. And when things got extra tough, I brushed off my Immanuel prayer skills and led myself through a session. As often happens it led me to a state of deep calm, and I could move ahead in a better state of mind. I can already tell I’ll need a lot more of that to curb my doomscrolling.