At long last, a care receiver!

After almost a year of officially being a Stephen Minister, tonight I finally got a care receiver! One of the Stephen Leaders called me tonight to tell me about him. I’ll call him tomorrow to set up our first meeting. And that’s all I can say about it. :o) Stephen Ministry is really big on confidentiality, which is one of its many good qualities.

Tonight I’m rereading the chapter in the training manual on how to conduct the first meeting. I’m kind of glad it took so long. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with everything at the end of the training last year. Now that all the details have had time to settle into the back corners of my mind, I feel only slightly intimidated.

Posted in Stephen Ministry | 1 Comment

Wha? What’s this blog doing here?

It’s time for my semiannual post. I have many things swimming through my head these days. I mean I always do, but the conceptual fish seem to congregate and multiply when their river is dammed, and right now the blockage is the need to get my finances up to date and to clear out some of the junk in my little apartment and get it organized so I have space to live. I’m procrastinating on these but also not working on anything else really, so my brain is getting a little antsy (fishy?) to get back to the fun stuff—all my many personal projects. Since this site is mostly about my projects, let me tell you about the ones that have been on my mind.

First, a side note. As an experiment, I am embedding the song from IMEEM that I am listening to while writing this so you can experience the same musical environment, if you wish. Just scroll to the bottom of the entry and click the start button. You might also want to click the loop icon in the upper right corner of the player. Isn’t it nice of me not to have it play automatically?

Second, a housekeeping note. I am planning to switch my site back to WordPress. Drupal is flexible, but WordPress seems better coordinated, and I don’t need all that flexibility for this site at the moment. Plus WordPress now does the things I switched to Drupal for (versioning, autosave, tags). Also we use WordPress for our website at work, and I suspect I’ll build other sites in the future, and I’d rather spend my time getting to know one tool well than to try to learn WordPress plus Drupal plus whatever else.

With that out of the way, my main project at the moment is giving myself a fake computer science degree. This project started about a year ago when I got frustrated with my inadequate and disorganized coding practices and set out to improve them. I began by learning about software development techniques and methodologies, and that, as usual, has expanded into something much more comprehensive.

The problem with programming is that everything you learn about has prerequisites you have to know about to really understand what you’re doing. My programming knowledge is pretty much all self-taught, and I’ve acquired it in a random fashion, so I often feel like I’m missing a lot. It’s certainly humbling to read programming blogs and realize how much I don’t know, but it also gives me something to reach for.

So to help myself feel like more of a real programmer, I’m collecting introductory books on the major topics I would study if I were getting an undergrad computer science degree, plus any other programming topics that are relevant to my areas of interest, and reading them. I’ll post a list of them soon.

I need to go to bed, so I will leave you with a list of some other things that have been pooling in my mind: graphic design, algorithmic music composition, The Shack, Theophostic prayer. I will try to go into more depth in the next few days.

I see right through you – Angelina

Posted in Drupal, IMEEM, Programming, WordPress | Leave a comment

Surprise! I’m posting. Also, Lovecraft.

Why hello! I bet you thought I was dead. Well, I’m not.

Various things have happened since I last posted, but today I’m going to talk about my latest literary adventures.

I’ve been watching Alias lately, and that has gotten me interested in fantasy related to conspiracies and secret histories of the world, and that has led me, among other things, to Lovecraft’s Cthulhu mythos. It’s something I’ve been wanting to get a handle on for a while. So last week I went to the library, made a quick reading list, and got started.

I tried reading some Lovecraft a while back—”Under the Pyramids” and maybe one or two others—but it didn’t really grab me. I heard “horror” and was hoping for maybe Stephen King, but horror seems to have meant something different back then, something closer to Edgar Allen Poe. I could see he had a certain appeal, but I was disappointed.

Well, I must have read the wrong stories, because what I’m reading now is great! I can see why so many people have written stories set in his universe. He’s detailed enough to give you a lot to work with and vague enough to leave a lot to the imagination, and his language and settings are evocative enough to keep you motivated.

My goal was to read all the main Cthulhu stories written by Lovecraft himself, in chronological order of writing. Phillip Schreffler wrote a short book called The H. P. Lovecraft Companion that has a chart of Lovecraft’s major gods (see here) and a glossary of a lot of his characters, with references. So I looked up the gods from the chart in the glossary, collected the references, and put them in chronological order according to this Wikipedia article. Here’s the list:

  • Dagon (1917)
  • Nyarlathotep (1920)
  • The Rats in the Walls (1923)
  • The Call of Cthulhu (1926)
  • The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath (1926)
  • The Case of Charles Dexter Ward (1927)
  • The Dunwich Horror (1928)
  • The Whisperer in Darkness (1930)
  • At the Mountains of Madness (1931)
  • The Shadow over Innsmouth (1931)
  • Through the Gates of the Silver Key (1932)
  • The Dreams in the Witch House (1932)
  • The Thing on the Doorstep (1933)
  • The Shadow Out of Time (1934)
  • The Haunter of the Dark (1935)

I’m already noticing some problems with this list and making edits, so it will probably change a lot by the time I’m done, but if this subject interests you and you want a simple place to start, try that. You can read these online at dagonbytes.com. If you want some maps, try here. Here are a couple of other, longer reading lists. And here’s some sinister music for you to listen to while reading.

Right now I’m in the middle of “The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath,” which is just what it sounds like—a quest in a dream world for a city called Kadath. I was surprised and pleased by this, because I wasn’t expecting such a traditional type of plot, and not all of it is creepy. In fact, a lot of it is kind of nice. The Myst and Riven soundtracks work well for this one.

Posted in Bibliography, HP Lovecraft | 1 Comment

Project: Reading strategies

Most of my projects involve a lot of reading, and for various reasons, that ends up taking way more time than I feel it should. When it comes to the actual reading, I’m not slow at it. It’s other factors that get in the way—taking notes, lack of concentration, losing interest, processing the information.

So to balance these factors and become a more efficient and productive researcher, I have started a project on reading strategies. This will be a lighter weight project than my others because I won’t be doing a lot of book research, just thinking about the problem, experimenting as I do my other projects, and writing about my findings. I’ve already done some work on it that I will post later.

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Some observations on painting and sculpture

I was just looking at the Wikipedia page for abstract expressionism, and it led me to a discovery about my psychology of art.

While looking at their examples of the genre, I learned that there is abstract expressionist sculpture as well as painting, and I immediately concluded that I didn’t mind its sculpture, because that at least has to look like real objects, because they are real objects. Objects in paintings can have all kinds of unrealistic boundaries and can generally not look like anything. I prefer paintings that look like something.

Then I thought, well, the objects in these sculptures aren’t anything you’d find in the real world, so they’re not “real” objects, but what I mean is that the sculptures themselves are something real that I could walk around and touch (if that were encouraged). Of course, the paintings are real objects too. The canvas is real. The paint is real. It’s just that what they’re depicting doesn’t look like anything that could really exist.

So I realized that I automatically think of paintings as depicting three-dimensional objects. I always think of them as a window onto a scene. I even think of color fields that way. I think of the color as being projected onto some kind of cloth or screen. Since this style is called abstract expressionism, I wonder if the artists are trying to get away from that way of looking at things. Well, at least the ones like Jackson Pollock.

I think I like the three-dimensionality of sculpture because it allows me to look at it from different angles, which gives me a sense of discovery. And I like paintings that act like windows for a similar reason—I can imagine that something is happening or at least that I’m there interacting what whatever I’m being shown, which again delivers a sense of discovery. Discovery, and newness in general, is one of my major motivating values.

I don’t usually read about art. A couple of days ago I found an iGoogle artist theme by Reg Mombassa, and his style reminded me of a painting I had seen at the Dallas Museum of Art in high school. I had stuck in my mind, but I couldn’t remember the artist, which had always bugged me. It was next to Edward Hopper’s Lighthouse Hill, which I had reproduced in colored pencil for an art history project. So after finding Reg Mombassa, I searched for 20th-century American painters, found a list of them on Artcyclopedia, and started clicking. Finally I just scrolled through the thumbnails and found one that sort of reminded me of the painting, and by chance it was the guy I was looking for: Thomas Hart Benton. The painting was Prodigal Son. From the Wikipedia article on Benton I ended up in the one on abstract expressionism. For some reason I have a compulsion to trace my trains of thought like that, probably because I like to know that my ideas are grounded in something.

Posted in Abstract expressionism, Art, Discovery, Painting, Psychology, Sculpture | 2 Comments

A full week

This week has been rather busy!

Last weekend we finally switched to our new server at work. We got Exchange running and copied all our files over to the new machine, and I stayed up very late Sunday night finishing it. Since then I’ve been fixing things that got broken in the move.

On another front, one of our project managers has left, so now I am mostly managing one of his projects because I was pretty involved in it anyway, preparing the manuscripts for typesetting. So that is challenging, but it’s also kind of fun, coordinating all those pieces, keeping people informed. 🙂 But don’t tell my bosses that; they’ll give me more. o.o;;

The guy they’re bringing in to replace him is interesting. He’s a marketing consultant and also a pastor, and he has many ideas for helping us brand our company and take ourselves in new directions. I was a little nervous at first because I didn’t know how it would all affect my job, and more specifically my pet projects, but I’ve relaxed since then. I’m glad he’s here.

At home I’ve been defining my next project (yes, another one)—going to various libraries, checking out books, reading bits of them, writing. I thought I had the topic down and was going to blog about it, but then my ideas for it expanded. But now they’ve narrowed again, so I will write about it soon.

Posted in IT, Life updates, Project management, Projects | Leave a comment

Instructions to myself on productivity

After my thoughts on Saturday, I gathered the ideas my mind had been quietly collecting about what my productivity problems were and what I thought I could do about them. I wrote them in my offline journal and present them to you here, revised a little for public presentation:

Okay, so I need to get more focused.

So how do I do it?

  1. Unsubscribe from all my RSS feeds except my friends, podcasts, and webcomics. Reading all those little things takes a lot of time that I could be spending working. Everything that is spent on one thing is time taken from something else! When I subscribe to feeds, my purpose is to keep up with what’s going on in those subject areas. The purpose of that is mostly to have things to talk about with people. I think the real purpose ends up being simply to fill my mind with more and more interesting things.

    Those are decent goals, but they’re really unnecessary. If I need to find out about a subject, I can just research it. I don’t need to keep up with it all the time through a regularly updating source. And the benefits aren’t worth the cost of not getting projects done that I care about more.

    So unsubscribing from everything feels somewhat uncomfortable, like I’m giving up too much, but I was living just fine without them before I subscribed.

  2. Multitask less. I think that when I’m doing more than one thing at once, it increases the time it takes to do the main task by three. This is not good. I need to toughen up my mind so that I can endure the boredom and difficulty of work. I need to turn off IM, close Google, and work. I need to say no to my whims and write them down to return to them later.

  3. Give myself permission to do half a task. Otherwise, I’ll wait till an unknown time in the future when I have enough time to do the whole task. So think of my work as happening in 5 or 15 minute chunks when I feel busy. This has been working well for blogging this week. Amazingly well.

  4. Do my work in large chunks when possible. I get bogged down looking at how much farther I have to go on a task, but I sometimes can make a lot of progress in a short amount of time. I need to observe how this happens. It happened tonight [Saturday] with An Ordinary Day with Jesus. I finished the last three lessons, one of which was rather long, plus some of the back matter. Maybe it was because it was the final stretch, or it might have been the time of day (specifically, night—sorry, people who think morning is the only time of day God declared good, night is just the best time for my mind; deal with it).

  5. Avoid delays. I often crave large chunks of time for my projects. This would happen if I would leave work on time, get home quickly, and get to work right when I finish dinner, or perhaps work during dinner. I should do this rather than having to work late because my schedule got thrown off earlier in the day, dawdling on the computer after work, doing errands after work that I could put off till the weekend, and leaping onto IM and the web after dinner. Everything I say yes to is a no to something else! Similarly, a no to what is immediate may be a yes to what is more important.

  6. Write before reading. My first impulse is usually to research, but often (a) I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for, and sharpening my question would focus my research; or (b) I already know what I’m trying to find out, but I needlessly feel dependent on other people’s input or I feel too lazy to write. Before I wrote this I began looking for information on productivity, but I realized that I already had a lot of ideas in my mind for what my problems were and what I needed to do differently.

  7. Plan before implementing. This is especially important in programming, and I am already trying to put it into practice there. I still need more practice. Planning is also important for other tasks, though I tend to discount it for research. At some point I want to learn (or create first!) tools for planning.

  8. While researching or writing, eliminate excess. I would like to be able to work on autopilot, but really my mind has to always be working while I’m reading or writing. In order to take effective notes, for example, I have to know exactly what kind of information I’m looking for and actively ignore everything else, as in, acknowledge it and pass it over on purpose. And if the author is too wordy, I have to rewrite his points so my notes don’t sprawl and I don’t quote the whole work. I just have to make sure my rewriting is reworded enough so that it isn’t a quote, or I have to make it clear that it’s almost a quote so I can further rewrite it later. I need to come up with my semi-mechanical paraphrasing method.

    The same may go for writing. I tend to write somewhat stream of consciousness, but I think there’s something to be said for boiling my thoughts down to their unnuanced essence and just recording that for time’s sake. I’m not sure though. I might reserve that technique for only certain occasions, since I think recording the whole thought process and all the nuances is so valuable. What brought this paragraph on was mostly that I was thinking today about how reading takes so long because authors are often so wordy when it really isn’t necessary.

  9. Don’t research aimlessly. This is sort of the flip side of 6 and a corollary to 7, 8, and maybe 5. I research a topic looking for more information that will be useful. But I don’t know what I’m looking for exactly, and in my present-immersed mind, anything that seems interesting feels important, so my searching could go on forever. I need ways to limit this, and maybe simply not searching is the best way to start. But also I need to cultivate the habit and skill of evaluating my searches as I go. I need to be present to what I’m doing and not simply do it.

Posted in Productivity | Leave a comment

Too much to think about

This morning I was catching up on my RSS feeds, and it led me to a thread on TheologyWeb about whether Catholicism or Orthodoxy was the way to go. I skimmed the first page or so, partly because the responses weren’t very serious, partly because I was just trying to get through everything, and partly because I was only vaguely interested in the topic, but it got me thinking about epistemology. I asked myself what I would need to assume in order to believe that Catholicism or Orthodoxy was the truth. I have no idea, of course, but the important thing is that it defined a research question for me. I do this constantly. It also led me to think about how I go about thinking in general. It’s something I want to write about at some point—introspection, defining research questions, backing up from one question to ask others that lie behind it, et cetera.

Later in my feed reading I ran across some discussion of the upcoming ESV Study Bible. Often when I read about the ESV, I like to look for its critics, because I find the breathless gushing of its fans to be silly. This time I found something from Iyov, a blog I hadn’t seen before. And whenever I read debates about the ESV, I usually see comments by Suzanne McCarthy, who posts at the Better Bibles blog. And she is usually talking about inclusive language and gender roles. She sometimes seems rather passionate about it. Today I learned that the reason this is such an important issue to her is that she grew up in a complementarian church that took the idea of submission to extremes.

The question of gender roles in the Bible is one of those issues on my long list that I plan to study one day when I have time, but I’m not emotionally invested in it because it hasn’t touched my life in a personal way. Today as usual I only glanced at Suzanne’s posts and the responses to her because they usually deal with technical details that I won’t feel like deciphering until I seriously study the topic.

Instead I thought about the fact that people devote so much time to such specific issues. Given the fact that I had just been pondering how to decide between two of the major Christian traditions, asking whether women should be allowed to speak in church seems like getting ahead of ourselves. Now, specialization is important. Research in any field involves gathering information from many different sources on many different issues, so we need scholars to follow their interests and ask all the obscure little questions that no one else cares about … until those questions happen to relate to their own. So Suzanne should continue to investigate the questions that drive her.

But there are soooo many of these issues, and everything requires a debate. Nothing worth knowing is cut and dried. And everything takes so much time to learn and deliberate about. If this is true for fundamental topics like God’s existence that are needed for deciding on other issues, like (in my opinion) whether personhood begins at conception, how can anyone hope to get anywhere? I concluded that everyone has to choose their battles and make a lot of big assumptions to cover the rest.

The battles I prefer mostly have to do with those fundamental questions, which leaves me less time to deal with the everyday life questions that those answers are meant to make possible, but maybe my answers, if I find any, can help other people with those other questions. Of course, no one has universally settled any of those fundamental questions so far, so I don’t expect to, but maybe I can at least hope to gather better information and arguments for grounding the conclusions that I and those who agree with me decide to adopt.

What this tells me is that I have a lot of work to do, and I am wasting time in many ways, most immediately by reading all these RSS feeds, which give me interesting things to think about but which spread out my attention and take it away from my own core questions, when I should be spending time sharpening those questions and carrying out specific and diligent investigations of them.

I don’t know how I will do it, with my scattered and work-intolerant mind, but I must find a way.

Posted in Epistemology, Productivity | 2 Comments

And now for a normal entry

Well, yesterday was rather interesting. I overslept again and didn’t go to the gym like I had planned. But I did finally go get a blood test, which I’d been putting off. The nurse definitely had a procedure down for doing this kind of thing, with words and phrases to give instructions and little warnings (like, “This will be tight,” for the rubber band around my arm and, “Stick,” when she stuck the needle in). She obviously prioritized efficiency over personableness, though she wasn’t unfriendly. In a way I admired her method. It did get the job done, and I was happy to have done a blood test there the year before so I would know how to cooperate and make the whole operation go smoothly. The blood test took less time than I expected, so I was a little earlier to work than usual.

At two we had a birthday party for one of our coworkers, as we usually do, and the theme was chocolate, which is pretty much the theme every day in our office, but especially today. I decided I would gorge myself, so I had both a chocolate icing covered brownie and chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup. I could have done with just the brownie, which was extremely good, and I felt a bit overloaded and had to eat kind of slowly toward the end to avoid feeling sick. Unfortunately I had gotten myself a frosty from Wendy’s earlier and had just been drinking a root beer, so after the party I felt the need to drink lots of water to dilute all the sugar.

I didn’t feel much like working that day, probably because I’ve been getting too little sleep lately, and finally at around 3:30 I decided to take a nap in my car, which I’ve been doing more than I’m comfortable with this week, but it’s hard to work when you’re falling asleep at your desk. So I slept for a while and then just sat there for a few minutes, enjoying the warm but somewhat breezy day and the intense green of the grass and bushes in front of me.

After work I went to the bank and then to get a haircut, where I listened to the hair stylist tell another customer about being hit on on her way to work that day by a guy in his car. He said, “How are you?” while they were stopped at a traffic light and asked for her phone number. The light changed and she turned the corner, but he actually followed her and flashed her lights so she would pull over, which she did, cautiously, and he got out and asked for her number. She decided to give it to him, and when she got to work he had texted her. Her first question was, “Are you married?” because she had intuited that he was, and she was right. Well, that wouldn’t work for her because as she put it, she doesn’t share. She seemed to be very pragmatic about it. Her only objection to having an affair was apparently that she didn’t want to deal with a jealous wife. I hoped there was some moral commitment to the sanctity of marriage that she wasn’t stating for social reasons, but I can only guess. In any case, it was an interesting story and certainly not something that happened to her every day!

After my haircut my next goal was to buy some new dress shoes because my current ones are coming apart. I knew exactly which ones I was going to buy—Berry by Nunn Bush, the exact kind I have now—and exactly where I would buy them, Famous Footwear, because it’s the same store I bought them in last time, and I happened to know that they still carried them. Usually I have to find shoes that are almost like the shoes I have at the time because I buy cheap brands that I guess change models every year or maybe go out of business. But last time I was annoyed at having my shoes fall apart so quickly, so I bought something a little more permanent but still not expensive.

They had the shoe I wanted but not the size, so the girl at the register ordered it for me to be home delivered (well, work delivered in my case), with no shipping charge, which was nice. The card reader wouldn’t read my debit card, and she said that the reader had been having trouble ever since the earthquake last week. Mysteeerious. I like it when odd little things like that happen.

When I got home, I cooked some noodles, and while my water was heating up, I did some dishes. One of them was a large plate that had sat on the stove next to the pot of water for too long, and when I picked it up, I burned my right thumb and index finger pretty badly. They look fine, but for hours afterward, I had to keep them cool or they would start burning after less than a minute. At first I ran water over them or kept them in a glass of water, but then I froze a large bag of water and kept another bag in the freezer to switch them when the first bag melted. That worked out well. And when I woke up in the middle of the night, my fingers had recovered.

The last time I had to do that was when I was again cooking and had gotten some jalapeño juice on my thumb, and I suppose it crept into some cracks in my skin. It burned. I don’t recommend using jalapeño juice as, for instance, a hand lotion.

Posted in Birthdays, Blood tests, Burns, Chocolate, Cooking, Earthquakes, Haircuts, Naps, Shoes, Slice of life | 2 Comments

Latest projects: Copleston’s History of Philosophy

On February 28 I was reflecting again about my career path, and I took a rather decisive step towards philosophy. Over the past several years I have been weighing two options for my career: philosophy (in which I would write and teach) and psychology (in which I would be a counselor). I’ve see-sawed back and forth, but that day I realized that the weight had tipped more clearly to the side of philosophy.

I realized again that I really do value my diverse interests, and it would be nice if my career could reflect them. I could see that happening with philosophy, because philosophy professors regularly list their research interests in their faculty profiles, and they are often collections like, “Philosophy of physics and decision theory,” or, “philosophical theology, philosophical psychology, the epistemologies of the early modern philosophers, and the works
of David Hume, St. Augustine, and Jonathan Edwards” or, “Business Ethics and Policy; Kant; Induction and Confirmation; Ethics; Philosophy of Religion,” or, “Media Philosophy, Ethics, Social & Political Philosophy, Informal Logic & Critical Thinking Pedagogy, Aesthetics.” In one way, philosophy is a meta-discipline. It’s a field of study in which you think about the nature of other fields.

Psychology is a diverse field, of course, but it’s still only psychology, and I have found that as with all my other interests, my level of interest in it comes and goes. My key observation during this cycle of reflection was that over the past year I have had a number of opportunities to get back into psychology, such as during Stephen Ministry training, but it hasn’t happened. That makes me think psychology is just one of the crowd rather than a career-making preoccupation.

I like helping people, but there are plenty of ways I could help people as a philosopher. I could do philosophical counseling or be an advisor to some organization, for instance. The world needs people who can think. Bad thinking can hurt people, and an awful lot of it goes on: People don’t listen to each other for understanding; they let their preconceptions, worries, and desires rule their whole thought process; they make bad arguments for good causes that turn people off who might otherwise be convinced; etc.

So now I’m about 95% sure philosophy is my field. Once I decided that, I began thinking about my next steps. I don’t really know that much about the actual discipline of philosophy because I’m more interested in it as a way of thinking than as a subject, so I need to get familiar with it. My plans are rather vague, but I think I should find out what the major schools are, what they specialize in, and who are the major publishers of philosophical books and journals. I’d like to flip through some of the journals and get an idea of what philosophers are talking about these days and who some of the major players are. And for a long time I’ve wanted to interview a few philosophy professors to get an idea of what it’s like to be one and check some of my assumptions.

And I also need to learn the history of philosophy, because it seems ridiculous to even apply for a philosophy program without having some sense of context, which brings me to my next project. The classic work on this topic is Frederick Copleston’s nine-volume History of Philosophy. So my goal is to work through the whole thing in the next year or two. I also have plans involving an outline and flashcards so that I will actually remember the things I read and learn some study skills that I never really got the hang of in school, but I’m not entirely sure about the details there. I was going to derive the outline from Copleston, but I may take it from some more straightforward source, like the Oxford Companion to Philosophy, and just read Copleston to tie everything together and provide some commentary. I think that would save me some work.

There’s a programming project in there too. I’d like to be able to generate the flashcards from the outline (or from a concept map, which is a bit more flexible, though more work to put together) in a comprehensive fashion so that I could essentially start from anywhere in the outline (or any node in the concept map) and, in a step-by-step fashion, reproduce the whole thing from memory. Memorizing that much would be a challenge, but I don’t think the flashcard creating program would be too hard. Then the flashcard data I generated would be fed into the open source program jMemorize, which uses the Leitner method for spacing out the repetitions.

The biggest challenge in this Copleston project, other than not giving up altogether, will of course be trying to juggle both it and the spirituality survey. Hopefully along the way I can learn skills in juggling as well as studying.

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