The Thinkulum

I feel a bit better now. I got some nice phone calls and an e-mail from a friend I haven’t talked to in a while.

It’s my birthday, but I can’t say it’s been very happy. I’ve been depressed thinking about the impermanence of life (and no, not because I’m getting older). I suppose I’ll get over it eventually.

I had a ray of hope when I found out that many of the major content providers are working on cross-platform DRM and that Sony is part of that effort. So I decided to give them another try. I downloaded about $7 worth of music and then discovered that even using Sony’s own music store, I still couldn’t transfer everything to my MD player. I don’t know if that’s the music label’s fault or some flaw in the software, which I’m finding somewhat hard to use in general, but it doesn’t matter. When the labels and the software companies get their act together, I’ll work with them. Until then I’ll settle for my approximately two (non-copy-protected) CDs a year.

I went home to Texas for two weeks for Christmas. I got back Sunday. Last time I went I was struck by how relaxing and homey it felt to be back with my family, so I was really looking forward to it this year. And I wasn’t disappointed. I had a good time. Of course, it’s hard to be disappointed when your expectations are well within reach. I think next time I’ll be even more intentional about spending time interacting with my family instead of plopping down in front of the computer or with a book so often. But that’s the way our family is in general, so at least I’m not the only one. 🙂

Things we went out and did:

• Saw The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I liked it. It didn’t replace the old BBC version for me, though, like I thought it might. I like both of them.
• Drove around and looked at Christmas lights. We visited one wealthy area and one middle class area.
• Went to the Dallas Wind Symphony Christmas concert with my sister’s math teacher. The fanfare at the beginning in the lobby was amazing (Gloria in Excelsis—it sounds better with real instruments and lots of reverb)
• Went on various shopping trips
• Went to church. My brother and I were greeted by numerous people who knew us. Some of them we knew; others only thought we knew them. We wanted them to go away and leave us alone. We’re like that. 😉

Things we did at home:

• Watched DVDs: Boy Meets World, Season 3, disc 1, which I rented over Netflix so my family could see what could be rented from it; Batman Begins, which I got my sister for Christmas; Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, which I had been telling my family they needed to see
• Operated on my computer, which had a cracked lid. It turned out the problem was common for this computer. My slightly more mechanically inclined dad did most of the work, for which I was very grateful. My laptop now has a spine of steel! Fortunately, my brother had a non-surgical solution for my degenerating headphone jack: the iMic, a USB external sound card, which I’ve ordered.
• Met my sister’s boyfriend. He comes over a lot, it seems, so my parents already knew him, but my brother and I had only seen pictures. He came over a few times while we were home. He seems like a nice guy, and he watches Star Trek and plays RPGs. 🙂 It was kind of quiet and awkward, though. We needed an extravert around to spark more conversation.
• Played Apples to Apples on New Year’s Eve, which my sister had bought that night
• Oh, and we opened presents on Christmas. 🙂 I gave my brother a book on education, my sister Batman Begins, my mom an amazing pop-up book from her Amazon wish list, and my dad a gift certificate to his new favorite place, Elliot’s Hardware. I received some good music, some good books, a terrific shadow box made by my sister, and most importantly for this website, a digital camera! Now I can replace the crummy pictures of me I’ve posted in various places on the web. AND I got a GameStop gift card, with which I bought Final Fantasy Anthology and Final Fantasy Chronicles! I finally own Chrono Trigger! And FFVI! (FFIII to us Americans.) Okay yes, I’m kind of materialistic.

I also tormented my sister with a creepy Christmas ornament we have, a gingerbread man with a crooked smile and googly eyes. He was after her for putting him on a branch at the back of the tree. He showed up in random places wielding a plastic icecicle ornament. I wish I could have come up with a big finish to the story for Christmas, but I was too lazy, and the idea I did think of came to me too late for me to really develop, so it was kind of a letdown. I’m not good at endings anyway. But it was fun. He showed up a few places to torture me, too, for torturing her. 😉

And I visited a couple of my friends. I spent half the day with my friend from high school, Alpana, the first Thursday I was there. We met for lunch at Taco Bell, then relocated to Starbucks, where she had her usual complex cup of coffee and I had some yummy pumpkin bread, then to her apartment, where she made me some dark chocolate milk and I talked with her and her mom, then to the public library so she could pick up a book she had on hold, and then back to her apartment, where I dropped her off.

On Friday I drove to Tyler to visit Jason, who had been my roommate for two years or so in college and a little after. I was very sleepy on the way over, which is not fun when you have to drive for 2 1/2 hours. But once I got there I was happy. We dropped off my stuff at his apartment and then went to his uncle’s house, where his dad’s side of the family was assembled for dinner and games. We only stayed for the first game, Buzzword, which I had never played but liked. It’s kind of like Taboo, which is one of my favorite games. After that we left the group and got some ice cream at Marble Slab, which we ate outside (hehe). I had one scoop of cinnamon and one of pumpkin in a waffle cone coated with white chocolate. It was really good. Then we went to Borders and talked for a while, and then we rented two movies because we couldn’t decide between them. We watched A Series of Unfortunate Events that night, and in the morning we went out for breakfast and then watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Very interesting movies. Then, alas, it was time for me to go. I was kind of sad to leave. It was nice to see Jason again, and I like his apartment. I wanted to take his dog with me too, but I figured they would both be unhappy about that. Anyway, I wasn’t as tired on the way back. It was, however, very windy, but I made it home unscathed.

Other than all that, I surfed the web, read my game design books, played the Arthur Yahtzee trilogy, petted our cats, and worked on an essay I’m writing for the site.

Yes, you thought I had abandoned this place, but no! This essay is just taking a long time for me to write, even aside from procrastination, and I’ve been wanting to post it before I moved on to other things. It’s an important one. But after that I’ll feel more free to post random things, so hopefully I’ll be updating the site more often.

Sunday consisted of a rather grueling 8 hours of travel. My muscles are sore from lugging my heavy suitcase and computer around. My brother and I flew to Texas and back on separate flights because we booked them separately, but we were able to schedule them for the same time as each other both ways, which was convenient. After arriving at our airports we met at the train station, and once we got to Wheaton our friend Jen kindly drove us both to our respective homes.

So that was my Christmas! After writing all that, it seems busier than it felt. That’s one of the things I value about my family, the relaxedness of our lives. I think of their house as a big, bowl-shaped cushion that I can live in. I think of both there and here as “home.” I would never go back and live in my parents’ house, except in some kind of dire circumstances, but I was happy that this time I felt much more like a resident than a guest, the way I did a few years ago after being gone for so long.

Our story continues …

Part 2

Around the middle of October began the most stressful, draining, demoralizing three weeks for me in recent memory. It began when I was given a project at work that was already two months overdue. Based on a past project, I thought, No big deal. It’ll take me two or three days. But this project turned out to be much more involved than the earlier one, and two days dragged out into two weeks, and every few days the people in charge of the project would ask me how close I was to being done. I had no idea, and I vacillated between telling them that and trying to make optimistic guesses. Not very fun.

In the meantime, I was in the market for a copy of Microsoft Office. The more I used Access at work, the more I fell in love with it, and I thought it would be good to own it so I could work from home on occasion and so I could use it for my own projects. But Microsoft software is very expensive, so I decided to go the eBay route.

After losing a few auctions, I found a Buy It Now listing for Office XP Pro for $99. So I grabbed it. They wanted immediate payment, and I always pay immediately anyway, so I sent the money via PayPal and waited for them to ship it. At the end of the day I checked my e-mail and saw two messages. One was from the seller telling me they’d shipped the software. The other was from eBay telling me they had removed the listing because it possibly violated Microsoft’s intellectual property and that I shouldn’t complete the transaction. Well, too late for that. All I could do was to wait for the package and assess the situation when it arrived. If there was a problem, the listing had said I could return the software within 14 days for a refund.

And there was a problem. When I opened the package, I saw right away that the CD had the words printed on it, “For distribution only with a new PC.” Strangely, there was no new PC in the package, just a CD in a sleeve. I knew this violated Microsoft’s licensing policies, and I don’t like using illegal software, so I sent it back using the return address on the package. It was sent back to me. The address was undeliverable.

While this was going on, I randomly decided to post on a programming forum I had joined a few weeks before. I hadn’t posted much, but today I had something I thought would make a good thread, so I started one. The first person to reply told me that there was a similar thread in another area of the forum. He was very friendly about it, and I replied, “Whoops! I should have looked more.” Another responder was not so friendly. He replied with the slightest of sarcasm that I should read the FAQ and “How to Post a Question” too—”We’ll all be glad you did.” As if I didn’t know how to post a question on a programming forum. So I posted what I hoped was a friendly reply saying that I actually had read it and telling him some of the steps I had taken to search before posting. I just hadn’t searched enough in this case. Well, that wasn’t good enough for him, and he replied with stronger sarcasm and still with the assumption that I was some lazy, stupid newbie. So I tried further to clear myself, and he still pressed his own point and didn’t get mine, though to be fair, he did drop the sarcasm.

This went on a couple more rounds, and as it progressed I felt more and more run down. I hate being misunderstood, and I hate being in conflict with people, especially strangers because there’s little basis for resolving the conflict. This little conflict was actually the most oppressive problem I was dealing with during this time. The project at work was annoying; the software scam was unfinished business; but the forum conflict was personal. It all added up to a miserable me. I didn’t want this thread to go on forever, so in the end I stated my agreement with the two points I could agree with him on and then dropped it. Somehow that made me feel much better.

Meanwhile the illegal software was being returned to me. This was getting ridiculous. So when I received the package, I wrote to the seller one last time to ask for their correct address, informing him that if I didn’t hear from him within two days, my next step would be to appeal to PayPal’s Resolution Center. Well, I hadn’t heard anything from him since they shipped the software to me, and predictably, I didn’t hear from him this time either. So, that Friday night I filed a dispute claim with PayPal. It took a while because the claim description could only be 2000 characters, and the one I had written beforehand was a lot longer! But I successfully pared it down and hit submit.

The site said that their investigation could take up to 30 days, but I wasn’t in a hurry. I figured they’d probably start on it the next day, request some supporting information, like the e-mails between the seller and me, the seller would be elusive, and it would take at least a week. So I put it out of my mind and went on with my web surfing. A while later I checked my e-mail. There was the message confirming my claim, timestamped at 11:45. But then there were two others: “Receipt for Your Refund” and “Resolution of Buyer Complaint Case,” timestamped at 12:24—39 minutes later!!! I couldn’t believe it. I logged on to PayPal and checked the dispute details, and there it was, “Refund initiated,” and the “actor” was the seller. I guess he was up late too, although in the status details PayPal did say, “We have granted this claim.” Maybe they moved the funds themselves and attributed it to the seller for some reason. Anyway, there was my money, sitting in my account. I instructed PayPal to transfer it back to my bank. And that was that! There was no message from the seller, and I still didn’t have his address, so I tossed the package in my closet, unopened. It’ll make a good prop for the story, I guess.

And the day before, Thursday, I had finally finished my long programming project. So all my problems were finally resolved. Whew! My mind was free at last.

I learned a few things from these experiences. First, it’s better not to try to defend yourself with some people, because it won’t work. Just say, “Sorry,” or something and let it drop. It’s more important to defend yourself when a close relationship is at stake. I haven’t worked out all the ins and outs of this issue yet, but it does come up every once in a while.

Second, programming can be an unpredictable task. The people on the Enterprise may be able to pull off huge engineering feats in a few minutes, but in the real world it doesn’t work that way. Even I was surprised at how long this project took. But now I’m more aware for the future. Every program I write teaches me things. Well, except for the quick and easy ones that just sort an array or something.

Third, buying software is tricky, especially over the Internet, especially on eBay. I’ve learned to look for certain signs. The photo should look like it was taken by the seller, not stolen from an advertisement. The description should make it clear that the software isn’t the academic version (which can only be sold to academic institutions), an upgrade (which you need an earlier version to install), OEM (Original Equipment Manufacturer—the version that can only be sold with a new computer), or volume licensing/media only (unless you’re buying it in bulk). The seller should have feedback from previous buyers—my seller had feedback from sellers but not buyers, possibly because all his auctions were being removed and none of the buyers could leave feedback. He is now no longer a registered member of eBay, fortunately.

Yeah, I know, I’ve been procrastinating too long. So where have I been all this time? Well, right here. The past couple of months have been like a bell curve of emotion. A few weeks of smooth sailing, then a big storm, and then it evened out again.

Part 1

To pick up where I left off, I gave my presentation at the retreat, and it was a big hit! People really picked up on the fact that programming could help them. And this is good for my insidious plans for them later. *chuckles evilly* But more on that in a minute.

John and Lisa couldn’t make it for the wedding. 🙁 They were riding on buddy passes, but they got stuck at the airport on standby for two days. So they went back home. I wish John weren’t so swamped with life so I could talk to him more. He does too.

I’ve been thinking it would be good to not be a total hermit for the rest of my life, so a few months ago I signed up for a few things at my church. One was a dinner club where we’re assigned to groups randomly and then we rotate going to each other’s houses for dinner once a month and bringing different parts of the meal. Our first one was October 18. It was pretty good. It’s a little awkward going to a stranger’s house and having no agenda except eating, but fortunately the other people there were good conversationalists, and I chimed in a few times when I had something relevant to share. I’m not sure a dinner club is at the top of my list of ways to meet people, but it’s okay for now.

The second thing I signed up for was a small group. They had four general categories—men’s, women’s, new believers’, and growth groups. I went with the most generic type, the growth groups. It turned out that most of the people who signed up for small groups were singles in their 20s, so they decided to try out a group for that demographic. That started October 30. That’s been pretty good too. We’ve been studying Ephesians. I use the term studying loosely. It’s a typical reader-response type of discussion, not that they do it that way on purpose. It’s certainly not what I’m used to from my old church! Or the Wheaton exegesis program. But I’m there for the people anyway. A couple is hosting it, and I’ve been getting to know the husband. He took me out to breakfast, which was nice. We had a good conversation. It helps that I’m the only guy in the group and the only one who’s been at every meeting. It makes me stand out. 😉

And the third thing was volunteering at a homeless shelter, which our church does about three times a year. That was from 6 to 11 on October 31. It felt long, but it was a good experience, and I got to know another guy from the church a bit. I talked with him for most of the time. I haven’t seen him since then, but still, it was nice to make a connection. It was a pretty laid back place. After setting everything up and signing everybody in (it’s a very organized service; I was surprised), there wasn’t much to do except be present and monitor the restroom. I’d probably do it again.

Entertainment-wise, during those first few weeks I finished season 4 of DS9, and I reluctantly but irresistably came to the conclusion that DS9 really is the best Star Trek series. I still love TNG; it had great characters and a lot of great episodes and themes. But DS9 as a whole is an intricate work of art.

Tune in tomorrow or some other time in the near future for part 2 (of 3)!

I have been super busy with work! Eleven-hour days for the past week, except for Sunday, when I couldn’t motivate myself to think. Yesterday I managed 17 hours, all of them at the office. No, I don’t do that normally. But I had to get the work done. Fortunately that project is now mostly over. Tomorrow and Friday are our company retreat. I loved it last year. I hope I do this year too, but I think it’ll be less fun because we’ll be talking about work rather than personality types. But I will get to advertize my programming services. We’re going to be giving presentations to explain what we do at the in our jobs, and my assignment is to tell people everything they ever wanted to know about macros. My actual topic will be things you never knew were possible via computer automation. I want to open people’s minds to the possibilities I’ve been pondering over the past year so I will have more opportunity to explore them via my coworkers’ projects.

Friday night I have a wedding to attend, and my friends from my old church will be there. I’m happy because John is coming out from Maryland for it. 🙂 Homecoming is also this weekend, but I probably won’t bother with it unless my friends are going to the concert Saturday night.

Monday is a holiday. I’m so glad!